Thursday, December 14, 2006
Cycle 2 of chemo was on Tuesday the 12th. That’s how the chemo treatments are counted – by cycles. Then, there’s the number of days after each cycle. So Tuesday was Cycle 2, Day 1 or C2D1. Wednesday becomes C2D2. You get the idea.
I’m afraid at some point I’ll become R2D2 and will morph into a short, squatty robot that makes beeping noises, while my bald head spins around and I’m looking for Wookies.
On Tuesday, my dear friend, Annette, drove me to the appointment. I’ve known Annette for 18 years and she’s an impressive lady. She’s had several tragedies in her life, but she overcomes them with grace and renewed strength. I admire her tenacity and look to her a role model as I muddle through my journey.
The chemo itself was once again, fairly uneventful. After the treatment, Annette’s talented daughter, Alyssa, met us for lunch and presented me with a beautiful bracelet with the Breast Cancer Ribbon charm that she made. I’ve known Alyssa since she was a baby and have watched her grow into an accomplished, talented and always fun young woman.
I went to work today and that probably wasn’t the best idea. I still had “chemo brain” which translates into “air head”. I had a hard time concentrating and would not take responsibility for any decision made today. At about 1:00, I went home and took a big nap. Me and my best friend – the couch!!
One thing I want to bring up is the lack of modesty that I’ve developed since my diagnosis. At some point you realize that multiple strangers have viewed and/or examined your breast. You just walk in, take off your shirt and some total stranger touches you. Here’s how it goes:
STRANGER #1 – Mammogram technician. At the Breast Center, where I have my annual mammograms, all of the technicians seem to be female. I’ve been going there for over 10 years and have never seen a male tech. As all women know, when you get a mammogram, the technician pushes your breast onto two horizontal metal plates. She squeezes your breast as the plates move closer together, you raise your arm, take a deep breath and “click” she takes a photo.
STRANGER #2 – 2nd mammogram technician. After they found the lump on my first mammogram, I had to go for a follow-up. Same procedure as above, just a different technician.
STRANGER #3 – Ultrasound technician. After the radiologist read my 2nd mammogram, it was determined that I needed an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech pours the cold, goopy stuff on the ultrasound wand and spreads it across my breast.
STRANGER #4 – Radiologist. The radiologist (another woman) then comes in, pours more cold, goopy stuff on the ultrasound wand … same as above. The radiologist says she thinks it’s cancer and I should see a surgeon for a biopsy.
STRANGER #5 – Surgeon. This time it’s a male. “Hello, I’m Dr. Blah-Blah. How are you?” He proceeds to feel around my breast, then jabs a needle in to get a piece of the lump to be tested. “Nice to meet you. I’ll have the results of the biopsy in a few days.”
STRANGER #6 – Actually, it’s Strangers #6, 7, and 8. Lumpectomy time. I get wheeled into the surgical unit and there’s the surgeon (who is no longer a stranger), an anesthesiologist and 2 surgical nurses. Everyone’s wearing surgical masks so I have no idea what they look like. While I’m asleep, they proceed to take a piece of my breast out. Prognosis is good, but “you should probably see an Oncologist for a consultation.”
STRANGER #9 – The Oncologist. “Hello, I’m Dr. Blah-Blah-Blah. How are you?” We have a long discussion about my health and family history, then of course, strip down so that he can feel my breasts. Time for more test results. “Nice to meet you. I’ll have the new test results in a few days.”
Like most American women, I have body self-esteem issues. I certainly don’t have the body of a supermodel or Angelina Jolie (whose body defies explanation). When I get a physical exam or massage and am stark naked on some table, I figure they’ve seen better and they’ve seen worse.
But during this whole journey, I’ve become numb to showing my breast to strangers. At this point, my breast isn’t any different from any other part of my body. “Wanna see my knees, my feet, my elbow.. how ‘bout my breast?” It’s all the same.
I’m not sure when and where I crossed the threshold, but modesty is no longer an issue for me.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
December 5, 2006.
Okay, so I was wrong. There is news since Friday.
Big Game
First of all, CAL won the 109th Annual Big Game. It wasn't the big blow out that everyone predicted, but at least they won. Actually, CAL was lucky that the Stanford quarterback isn't too good. Otherwise the game would have been much closer.
It was really windy that day and I'm not sure it showed up on TV. The flags on the ground were blowing one way and the flags at the top of the stadium were blowing in the opposite direction. At the end of the half-time show, when the CAL band marched off the field, there were about 20 band hats on the ground. It was pretty funny.
But we won, and that's all that matters. Holiday Bowl -- here we come!!
Wiggin' out
Yesterday (Monday, 12/4) my hair started falling out. I didn't notice it until I took a shower and there was a handful of hair on the bottom of my tub. My hair is very thick, so there are probably millions and millions of strands of hair on my head. I doubt that I would have gone bald for a few days, but I just didn't want to clean up hair everywhere. So I got it all cut off. More precisely, I had my cousin give me a buzz cut using electric shears. Bzzzzzzzzzz!!!
When she was done, there was a lot of hair on the ground -- and only stubble on my head. My scalp actually looks like it's got a 5 o'clock shadow as most of my hair hasn't actually fallen out yet. My cousin, Suzy, has graciously let me borrow her wigs, so now I look like her.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I went hat shopping with my friend, Carol. I got 3 very stylish felt/wool hats (Carol generously bought me one). My young friend, Michaela (age 7), said I looked like Willie Wonka in 2 of the hats. So between the hats and wigs, I'm set for the winter.
I slept with a Polartec cap on last night as my head got cold. I felt like one of those newborn babies with the little socks on their head. Mine was, of course, much bigger.
Okay, so I was wrong. There is news since Friday.
Big Game
First of all, CAL won the 109th Annual Big Game. It wasn't the big blow out that everyone predicted, but at least they won. Actually, CAL was lucky that the Stanford quarterback isn't too good. Otherwise the game would have been much closer.
It was really windy that day and I'm not sure it showed up on TV. The flags on the ground were blowing one way and the flags at the top of the stadium were blowing in the opposite direction. At the end of the half-time show, when the CAL band marched off the field, there were about 20 band hats on the ground. It was pretty funny.
But we won, and that's all that matters. Holiday Bowl -- here we come!!
Wiggin' out
Yesterday (Monday, 12/4) my hair started falling out. I didn't notice it until I took a shower and there was a handful of hair on the bottom of my tub. My hair is very thick, so there are probably millions and millions of strands of hair on my head. I doubt that I would have gone bald for a few days, but I just didn't want to clean up hair everywhere. So I got it all cut off. More precisely, I had my cousin give me a buzz cut using electric shears. Bzzzzzzzzzz!!!
When she was done, there was a lot of hair on the ground -- and only stubble on my head. My scalp actually looks like it's got a 5 o'clock shadow as most of my hair hasn't actually fallen out yet. My cousin, Suzy, has graciously let me borrow her wigs, so now I look like her.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I went hat shopping with my friend, Carol. I got 3 very stylish felt/wool hats (Carol generously bought me one). My young friend, Michaela (age 7), said I looked like Willie Wonka in 2 of the hats. So between the hats and wigs, I'm set for the winter.
I slept with a Polartec cap on last night as my head got cold. I felt like one of those newborn babies with the little socks on their head. Mine was, of course, much bigger.
Friday, December 1, 2006
My Journey to Wellness
December 1, 2006
My heartfelt thanks for the cards, gifts, flowers, plants, food, prayers and love from everyone. The strength and joy I receive from your support is like a luxurious, cashmere blanket that envelopes me with kindness. Thank you for everything!!
Because of all of the inquiries, I’ve decided to write a blog so that folks can easily get a status report at their leisure. I promise not to get too medically graphic and will only refer to people by their first name to respect everyone’s privacy.
So here we go. The blog is divided by sections as people have received updates at different points of my journey.
Lumpectomy
My surgery on Oct. 26 went very well. I left the hospital at about 5:30pm that day. I didn’t want to stay overnight because hospitals are full of sick people. Who wants to recover in that kind of place?
The pathology report indicated that my lymph nodes and the area around the tumor were clear. So that was great news. The tumor itself was categorized as “aggressive” which meant that there could be nasty, microscopic cancer cells lurking about. With the standard protocol of a lumpectomy and 6-week radiation, there would be a 70% chance of the cancer not reoccurring. However, with the addition of chemotherapy, the percentages go up another 5-15%. So I figured 85% is very good odds, so I opted to start the 6-month regimen of chemo.
Chemo begins
I had my first chemo treatment on Nov. 20th. To be honest, it was kind of anti-climactic. I just sat there in a big, cushy leather chair and read my Book Club book. Laura, the chemo nurse, gave very clear explanations about what was happening and made me feel completely at ease. My blood pressure before the chemo was 124/84. Laura said that was pretty good for someone’s first chemo session. So I was off to a good start.
Before the chemo drugs were injected, Laura gave me anti-nausea pill and intravenous med. She said the intravenous med would give me a sense of euphoria later that day and she wasn’t kidding. But it wasn’t so much euphoria as just plain old loopiness. I flashed back to my college days at Berkeley and the high you get from pot. Far-out, dude!! (Okay, so my age is showing.)
Naps, naps, naps
Naps are good. Naps are your friend. Embrace your naps. After the chemo, I was really tired so I slept a lot. I would take 2-3 naps a day. My couch became my best friend. During my few waking hours, I got hungry … and I mean hungry.
Protein cravings
For the next few days after chemo, I ate all the time. I craved protein which is weird because I haven’t eaten red meat for about 15 years. I’m basically a lettuce-tomato-chicken-fish kinda gal. That’s what I normally eat for lunch and dinner. I’ve even been known to eat plain tofu for breakfast. Don’t gag, I love tofu.
So I ate chicken, turkey, cheese, peanut butter and tofu. Luckily, my chemo was 2 days before Thanksgiving, so I had turkey, turkey, turkey for 4 days. I love Thanksgiving leftovers. Turkey hash is the best meal Рdiced turkey, stuffing and gravy smushed together and saut̩ed. Yum!
Several friends have been bringing food over and it’s a great comfort. The gals in my Book Club are talented cooks, among other great personality traits, so my cupboards, fridge and freezer are full.
Yesterday was a milestone day. I have Compazine, an anti-nausea, motion sickness pill. I took it for 7 days and yesterday was my first no med day. Whooppee!!! I also stopped eating all-day long -- which is probably a good thing.
Big Game
Tomorrow is the Big Game – CAL vs. Stanford. It’s always a fun day as CAL has won the past 5 years in a row. I’ll be going with my CAL alumni buddies and this might be the last event I can attend with big crowds for a while. While having chemo, I need to avoid catching any infection and you know those Stanford people have bad cooties. ;-) Go Bears!!
That’s it for now. My next treatment is on Dec. 12th and I don’t know if I’ll have any blog updates until then. I feel 100% now and don’t anticipate any changes until the 12th.
Thanks again for your constant support and enthusiasm. I love you all!!
My heartfelt thanks for the cards, gifts, flowers, plants, food, prayers and love from everyone. The strength and joy I receive from your support is like a luxurious, cashmere blanket that envelopes me with kindness. Thank you for everything!!
Because of all of the inquiries, I’ve decided to write a blog so that folks can easily get a status report at their leisure. I promise not to get too medically graphic and will only refer to people by their first name to respect everyone’s privacy.
So here we go. The blog is divided by sections as people have received updates at different points of my journey.
Lumpectomy
My surgery on Oct. 26 went very well. I left the hospital at about 5:30pm that day. I didn’t want to stay overnight because hospitals are full of sick people. Who wants to recover in that kind of place?
The pathology report indicated that my lymph nodes and the area around the tumor were clear. So that was great news. The tumor itself was categorized as “aggressive” which meant that there could be nasty, microscopic cancer cells lurking about. With the standard protocol of a lumpectomy and 6-week radiation, there would be a 70% chance of the cancer not reoccurring. However, with the addition of chemotherapy, the percentages go up another 5-15%. So I figured 85% is very good odds, so I opted to start the 6-month regimen of chemo.
Chemo begins
I had my first chemo treatment on Nov. 20th. To be honest, it was kind of anti-climactic. I just sat there in a big, cushy leather chair and read my Book Club book. Laura, the chemo nurse, gave very clear explanations about what was happening and made me feel completely at ease. My blood pressure before the chemo was 124/84. Laura said that was pretty good for someone’s first chemo session. So I was off to a good start.
Before the chemo drugs were injected, Laura gave me anti-nausea pill and intravenous med. She said the intravenous med would give me a sense of euphoria later that day and she wasn’t kidding. But it wasn’t so much euphoria as just plain old loopiness. I flashed back to my college days at Berkeley and the high you get from pot. Far-out, dude!! (Okay, so my age is showing.)
Naps, naps, naps
Naps are good. Naps are your friend. Embrace your naps. After the chemo, I was really tired so I slept a lot. I would take 2-3 naps a day. My couch became my best friend. During my few waking hours, I got hungry … and I mean hungry.
Protein cravings
For the next few days after chemo, I ate all the time. I craved protein which is weird because I haven’t eaten red meat for about 15 years. I’m basically a lettuce-tomato-chicken-fish kinda gal. That’s what I normally eat for lunch and dinner. I’ve even been known to eat plain tofu for breakfast. Don’t gag, I love tofu.
So I ate chicken, turkey, cheese, peanut butter and tofu. Luckily, my chemo was 2 days before Thanksgiving, so I had turkey, turkey, turkey for 4 days. I love Thanksgiving leftovers. Turkey hash is the best meal Рdiced turkey, stuffing and gravy smushed together and saut̩ed. Yum!
Several friends have been bringing food over and it’s a great comfort. The gals in my Book Club are talented cooks, among other great personality traits, so my cupboards, fridge and freezer are full.
Yesterday was a milestone day. I have Compazine, an anti-nausea, motion sickness pill. I took it for 7 days and yesterday was my first no med day. Whooppee!!! I also stopped eating all-day long -- which is probably a good thing.
Big Game
Tomorrow is the Big Game – CAL vs. Stanford. It’s always a fun day as CAL has won the past 5 years in a row. I’ll be going with my CAL alumni buddies and this might be the last event I can attend with big crowds for a while. While having chemo, I need to avoid catching any infection and you know those Stanford people have bad cooties. ;-) Go Bears!!
That’s it for now. My next treatment is on Dec. 12th and I don’t know if I’ll have any blog updates until then. I feel 100% now and don’t anticipate any changes until the 12th.
Thanks again for your constant support and enthusiasm. I love you all!!
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